It’s March! Spring is coming! Of course, in much of the US, the weather has been acting so schizophrenic that we don’t know what season it is. We always say that March “comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb.” Well, Boo!, I say, you can’t knit lion. The staple is too short, and you’d have to blend it with so much wool that it wouldn’t be worth the effort. And who’s going to harvest that fiber? Not me, certainly. Maybe Steve Irwin in his prime.
Speaking of mental instability, I live with a Toddler. Here is my
Field Guide to Knitting with a Toddler in the House
1. Elevate any items you do not wish to be crumpled, moistened, or eaten at least 5 feet off the floor. I know Toddlers are not that tall. Believe me, 4 feet up is not enough.
2. When your knitting bag is not where you left it, look behind the couch. The contents of the bag, however, will not actually still be in the bag. Hopefully you will find a Trail of Destruction leading from the bag.
3. Circular needles are recommended for use in households afflicted by Toddlers. If you remember to push your work back to the cable before putting it away, there is a greater chance that your Toddler will not dislodge the stitches when he or she inevitably gets hold of it. The Toddler is also less likely to be injured when running away from you at Mach 2 with your lace shawl in progress.
4. No matter how happily your Toddler was playing with his or her toys, sitting down to knit will trigger levitation into your lap.
5. Nap time ends at the instant you finish all those annoying chores you needed two hands to do and sit down with your knitting. Expert-level Toddlers wait until you are in the middle of a 485-stitch row of lace before shouting “Mommy!” in a manner that suggests entrapment between the crib mattress and the frame.
6. Toddlers love yarn. It is soft and colorful, and often shaped like a ball. A Toddler Incursion into The Stash is at least 5 times more destructive than the average Cat Incursion. If they team up, you will be detangling for weeks.
7. Toddlers love notions for the same reasons you do: they’re small, they’re cute, or they do neat stuff. Good luck retrieving those stitch markers. Expect that none of your retractable measuring tapes ever will again.
8. Despite what seems to be an overwhelming interest in your Knitting Stuff, your Toddler will never wear anything you knit for him or her for longer than 47 seconds.